I hear it from people all the time. “I get so stressed when driving.” “Connecticut/New York drivers are the worst!”

In every city I’ve visited, I’ve heard people say, “drivers here are the worst!” This begs the question: how could it be that drivers everywhere are terrible? And where is this special utopia of perfect drivers that we can all move to? I’ll tell you a secret—the worst traffic is in Manila, Philippines, yet the drivers there seemed relatively calm. They’ve learned a trick to overcome it: radical acceptance. One thing is for sure – we can’t change traffic. We can’t change the fact that “bad drivers” exist everywhere. By fully accepting that traffic and bad drivers exist, we can begin to learn to control our behavior and emotional reactions and cultivate peace of mind on the road.

The good news is that with a little effort, road rage—which means anger problems while driving—is a relatively easy problem to solve in therapy. 

Whether driving in NYC, on Interstate 95 or gridlocked anywhere else in the world – you can learn to control your state of mind. You can learn to relax or have high blood pressure while cursing other drivers – the choice is yours. You can be an angry driver or what I like to call a “Zen” driver who is relaxed, calm, and easy-going on the road. What kind of driver do you want to be?

While you are working on cultivating a relaxed state of mind while driving, below are some cognitive behavioral (CBT) and dialectical behavioral (DBT) approaches Dr. Fathi has used with clients over the years. These techniques will help you build your psychological fitness and peace of mind while driving.

• Reign in your negative thoughts. Do not generalize, or negatively comment on, other people’s driving behavior. Stop saying things like “all the other drivers are terrible” and “that driver is an idiot.” Sure, other drivers make mistakes, forget to indicate, merge into your lane, cut you off, and get into accidents unexpectedly. But are you expecting a perfect world or a driving utopia? Nobody is a perfect driver, and personalizing others’ imperfections does nothing to serve you. So do not take other people’s bad driving behavior personally. It will only lead to frustration and aggravation, which can fuel road rage. Others’ behavior on the road is not about you. Therefore, do not allow other people’s imperfect behavior to fuel your anger – do not allow strangers to have power and influence over your feelings! They have not earned that power. Instead, try to react effectively and calmly. Take the high road (pun intended.) Ignore them, let them pass, forgive their mistakes, and move on.
• What about when driving behavior feels or is personal? “Didn’t that jerk see me?!” “They’re tailgating me.” “They gave me the finger and told me to go !@#% myself!” Maybe you rolled through a stop sign or cut someone off, and now that person is angry. Even if another driver yells at you or gives you the finger, casually and strategically move out of their way and move on. Laugh it off. Apologize with a hand signal and gently bow your head. Recognize that others, too, struggle with anger problems on the road. Don’t let their problem be your problem – shift away from allowing strangers’ behavior to affect your blood pressure and peace of mind. 
• Learn to regulate your emotions on the road. Did you have to slam on the brakes because someone in front of you stopped, expectedly, and now your fight or flight response is activated? Is your heart beating rapidly? Rather than get mad, mindfully check in with yourself and take deep breaths to calm your nervous system and let it go. With plenty of practice, deep breathing will train your body to relax while driving.
• When stuck in traffic, instead of getting mad, try to do something to shift into a positive mood. Listen to some relaxing, chill, or upbeat music. It’s hard to feel angry when Bob Marley’s “One Love” is playing. Better yet, sing along like you’re trying out for The Voice. Music has a powerful way of improving our mood and mindset, so use it as a tool to help you stay calm on the road.
• Practice radical acceptance. Radically accept that there are good and bad drivers everywhere. And – accept that even you make mistakes on the road too (yes, yes, you do.) We all forget to indicate sometimes or make errors on the road. Let others’ mistakes slide gracefully, and hope they will do the same for you.
• When caught in unexpected traffic, it’s understandable to feel disappointed and frustrated. These are valid emotions given the situation, so acknowledge them. Maybe you will be late for a dinner date or a work meeting. After acknowledging your feelings, you can change your mindset before letting these feelings turn to rage. Rather than shouting expletives, this is another opportunity to practice radical acceptance by simply telling yourself, “Ok, this is some unexpected traffic, and I’m going to be delayed. I feel frustrated, and I can’t change the situation.” You can, though, shift gears into a problem-solving mode to try and mitigate any negative outcomes. Do you need to call someone (safely, hands-free, of course) to tell them you’ll be late? Next, try improving the moment by listening to a favorite song to boost your mood, or make the best of the situation by catching up on an audiobook or podcast. The extra time in traffic could be used to learn something new. What a gift!
  
  Alternatively, you could use the time stuck in traffic by calling a friend or family member with whom you’ve been meaning to catch up. Radical acceptance is powerful because it helps us fully embrace an unpleasant reality. Once we’ve fully accepted an unpleasant situation, we are in a better position to cope with it skillfully and mindfully. 
• Be proactive to avoid high traffic times and situations. Where possible, avoid driving between 4-6 pm or other rush hour times when the roads will be extra busy and stressful. Before every commute or a long drive, check Waze or other traffic reporting apps first to check that there are no accidents and time the best route.
• Pretend you are a chauffeur. Try this imaginal exercise – with your eyes open, of course. The next time you’re driving, imagine you are a chauffeur for a very important person. Perhaps the president, a celebrity, or another person of high importance whom you admire. Note that chauffeurs need to be very relaxed and effective while driving. They need to remain cool, calm, and collected no matter what is happening on the road. Never in a rush, they drive smoothly and effectively to keep their important passengers comfortable. Try driving like a chauffeur and notice the difference for yourself. Remember this: in reality, you are an important passenger deserving a smooth ride. Or maybe your partner, child, or friend is. If you drive like a chauffeur, your mind, body, and other passengers will thank you and appreciate a more stress-free ride.
• Keep your daily stress levels in check. High stress and poor coping tools are directly linked to anger problems. If you do not have a good work-life balance and your stress levels are routinely an 8 or 9 out of 10 – you’re at risk of easily losing your cool on the road. Check in with yourself about your stress levels and implement strategies for keeping them low. Do you think you would get angry on the road after a yoga session, a meditation, or a 5k run? Probably not. Your stress levels would be low and your mind in a state of relaxation. Leveling up your self-care routine could be an easy way to decrease your road rage.

Finally, a little humor goes a long way in helping us manage anger. This clip from the movie “Anger Management” where Jack Nicholson plays a therapist helping Adam Sandler with road rage, always gives me a good laugh. 

Bottom Line

I hope this article could help give you some ideas on how to reduce anger and stress on the road. Taming road rage is a journey that takes some effort, but you can’t put a price on a smooth, relaxing ride. Wishing you happy and safe driving!