Life’s too short to be unhappy in your relationship. While I fully believe this, change often has to start with you.

Striving to be the best version of yourself – working on your personal flaws, cultivating your strengths, building healthy habits and reducing bad ones – will pay dividends in the quality of your life and relationship. 

A healthy relationship starts with a healthy and happy you. 

Relationships require maintenance and effort to stay healthy. 

Far too often, couples get comfortable in their relationships and while that’s a good thing, it can sometimes lead to situations where you feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Unhelpful habits can creep in along with ineffective patterns of communication.

Other times, that comfort can cause your relationship to feel stagnant. You and your partner might not give each other as much attention as you used to, or do the things you used to do that made the relationship fulfilling.

So, what can you do to be a better partner in your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together?

Let’s cover a few helpful tips that can make a big difference.

1. Be an Active Listener

Most people understand that communication is vital in a relationship, but communication is about more than just talking and expressing your needs.

It’s about being a good listener. 

Listening is more than hearing. Everyone deserves to be heard, understood, and valued. If your partner doesn’t feel that way in your relationship, there’s a good chance they don’t feel like you’re really listening to them.

Active listening involves nonverbal cues like nodding and using body language, and touch, to let your partner know you hear what they’re saying. It also involves asking questions, or even repeating back what they’ve said so you can make sure you understand. What most people miss, is that listening also involves hearing and responding to the underlying emotions the other person is experiencing.

You might be surprised by how much you can learn from your partner when you choose to be an active listener. Plus, you can expect the same in return.

2. Show More Empathy

All relationships require empathy, and it’s especially important when you’re in a romantic partnership with someone.

People tend to be self-serving by nature. Even if you have the best of intentions, it’s normal to be more egocentric than not – seeing things form your own biased perspective.

Do what you can to shift out of that mindset and focus on your partner’s needs and feelings as often as possible. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Even when things are going well, you can still be empathetic by trying to understand what they might be dealing with each day.

Being empathetic can encourage more vulnerability, openness, and intimacy in your relationship. It will also help build trust and allow you to become closer to your partner than ever.

3. Cultivate a Positive Mindset

Being positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It also doesn’t mean you have to hide when you’re feeling down or when something is bothering you.

But, when you choose to develop a positive nature in your relationship, you’re less likely to deal with trust issues. You’re less likely to hold a grudge, and you’re more likely to remember that you and your partner are on the same team, even when you disagree. You’re more likely to respond with grace and tact, even when you’re upset. 

Constant negativity can drag any relationship down. Choose to carry a positive attitude as often as possible while still being honest and true, and you’ll both feel more comfortable expressing your needs and wants without worrying about negative consequences. Try to focus on the good things in your partner and in your relationship. Even if you’re unhappy and want aspects of your relationship to improving, focusing on your strengths as a couple can help boost morale and make it easier to work on challenges collaboratively. 

Bottom Line

There are countless ways to be a better partner in your relationship. There are plenty of things you can do to improve your relationship that are unique to you and your partner, so think about the qualities and characteristics that could really benefit you as a couple.

In the meantime, use these tips to get started and evoke positive change. It’s easy to blame our partner for all the problems in the relationship, and while they may need to change, it’s easiest to start with ourselves. Positive change is often contagious, too. 

Don’t wait until things feel like they’re rocky or you’re arguing constantly to be a better partner. When you start now and your partner sees your efforts, they’re likely to do the same. Your relationship will become stronger, closer, and better than ever when you’re both willing to be better for each other. Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy or to learn ways you can improve your relationship.