How to Be a Better Partner: Start With You

Life’s too short to be unhappy in your relationship. While I wholeheartedly believe this, meaningful change often starts from within.

Striving to be the best version of yourself – working on your personal flaws, cultivating your strengths, building healthy habits, and reducing bad ones – will pay dividends in the quality of your life and relationship. 

A healthy relationship starts with a healthy, happy you. 

Relationships require maintenance and effort to stay healthy. 

Far too often, couples get comfortable in their relationships, and while that’s a good thing, it can sometimes lead to situations where you feel more like roommates than romantic partners. It can also cause individuals to put their own needs on the back burner. Unhelpful habits can sneak in. Communication patterns become stale.

Other times, that comfort can create a sense of stagnation. You and your partner might not give each other the attention or affection you once did, and the things that once made the relationship fulfilling begin to fade.

So, what can you do to be a better partner in your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together?

Here are three simple but powerful ways to make a difference:

1. Be an Active Listener

Most people understand that communication is vital in a relationship, but quality communication is about more than just talking and expressing your needs.

It’s about listening. Really listening.

Listening is more than hearing their words. Everyone deserves to be heard, understood, and valued. If your partner doesn’t feel that way in your relationship, there’s a good chance they don’t feel truly seen in the relationship.

Active listening involves nonverbal cues, such as nodding, touch, and open body language. It also involves asking questions and even reflecting back what they’ve said, so you can ensure you understand. What most people miss is that listening also involves hearing and responding to the underlying emotions the other person is experiencing.

You might be surprised by how much you can learn from your partner when you choose to be an active listener. Plus, you can expect the same in return.

2. Show More Empathy

All relationships thrive on empathy, and it’s essential in a romantic partnership.

By nature, people tend to view things through their own lens. Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to slip into a self-focused, biased perspective.

Empathy asks you to shift out of that mindset and step into your partner’s shoes.

Do what you can to shift out of that mindset and focus on your partner’s needs and feelings as often as possible. Even when things are going well, you can still be empathetic by trying to understand what they might be dealing with each day.

Practicing empathy fosters vulnerability, intimacy, and deeper trust. It’s one of the fastest ways to strengthen emotional connection and build a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling for both of you.

3. Cultivate a Positive Mindset

Being positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. It also doesn’t mean you have to hide when you’re feeling down or when something is bothering you.

It means carrying an attitude of optimism and grace into the relationship.
It means remembering — even when you’re frustrated or hurt — that you and your partner are on the same team.

When you focus on positivity:

• You’re less likely to hold grudges.

• You’re better able to handle conflict with care.

• You create a relationship atmosphere where both partners feel valued and respected.

Chronic negativity can drag any relationship down. Choose to carry a positive attitude as often as possible while still being honest and true, and you’ll both feel more comfortable expressing your needs and wants without worrying about negative consequences. Try to focus on the good things in your partner and in your relationship. Even if you’re unhappy and want aspects of your relationship to improve, focusing on your strengths as a couple can help boost morale and make it easier to work on challenges collaboratively. 

Bottom Line

There are countless ways to strengthen your relationship. But the easiest and most impactful place to start is with yourself.

These three steps — active listening, empathy, and a positive mindset — can ignite powerful shifts in your connection. Use these tips to get started and evoke positive change.

It’s easy to blame our partner for all the problems in the relationship, and while they may need to change, it’s easiest to lead by example. Positive change is often contagious, too. 

You don’t have to wait until things feel rocky to invest in your relationship. When you start now and your partner sees your efforts, they’re likely to follow suit. Your relationship will become stronger, closer, and better than ever when you’re both willing to be better for each other.

If you’d like extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out. Couples therapy can help you deepen your bond, improve communication, and create the fulfilling relationship you deserve.