If you just found out your partner has been unfaithful, you might be feeling like your relationship has imploded. Rebuilding trust after such a breach can feel like an impossible ask. However, with commitment from both parties, open communication, and a plan to heal the relationship, infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end.

Validate Each Other’s Emotions

Once an infidelity is out in the open, you’ll both be feeling a rollercoaster of feelings—both as the betrayer and the betrayed. Anger, confusion, sadness, shame, guilt, and even relief are all normal responses to such a profound breach of trust.

At this time, what’s most important is that you and your partner listen to and validate one another’s emotions. However each of you is feeling should be accepted without judgment. Once you learn how to actively listen to your partner, you can begin to build a bridge through healthy communication.

Be Empathetic

Part of validating one another’s emotions means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. If you stepped outside the relationship, imagine how hurt and afraid your partner is feeling. If you’re the betrayed party, think about what might have led them to seek intimacy elsewhere. Acknowledging the factors that contributed to the infidelity doesn’t mean ignoring their emotional impact. In fact, being empathetic will actually bring you closer together in this moment of relationship trauma.

Commit to Transparency

After someone has cheated, new habits need to form. The partner who engaged in infidelity must be willing to share information, such as who they’re texting, their online habits, and who they’re seeing after work. Allowing the other partner into their lives this way will gradually rebuild a sense of security.

Define Boundaries

As each of you works out what being transparent means for the relationship, you’ll be drawing new boundaries. These boundaries should address what specific issues led to the infidelity and create a framework for reestablishing the relationship as a safe haven.

Have an open and honest discussion about these new boundaries. Perhaps this involves no longer having certain friends in your lives or giving up activities at certain times of the day. However you define these boundaries, you should both be on board and know exactly how these boundaries affect your relationship going forward.

Give It Time

Recovering from infidelity doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, rushing it can lead to more significant setbacks. As you commit to healing the relationship, both partners should be putting in a consistent effort. It’s important to celebrate small victories along the way so you don’t lose sight of the bigger picture and you see yourselves making progress. If you begin spending time together in new ways, bond over something different, or having stuck to your new boundaries, find ways to show your appreciation to one another.

Work on Yourselves (Individually)

Healing after infidelity trauma doesn’t just mean focusing on the relationship. In fact, codependency and a loss of identity may have contributed to the infidelity in the first place. Both partners should invest time and energy into self-improvement. Developing independence and a stronger sense of identity will make the relationship feel more cohesive and healthy.

Looking to Reconnect?

Moving forward after an infidelity is no easy task. Many couples find more success in therapy together. With a couples counselor, you’ll get at the root cause of the infidelity, find the cracks within your own relationship, and learn how to communicate better. Your therapist will also give you strategies for rebuilding intimacy after this type of emotional trauma.

To find out more about how couples therapy can help you recover from infidelity trauma, please reach out to us.